Are you a Singaporean?

There once was a very good old barber in New York. One day a florist goesto him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and thebarber replies:"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing communityservice."The Florist is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barbergoes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waitingat his door.

A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber afterthe cut. But the barber replies:"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing communityservice."The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning the barber goes toopen his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at hisdoor.A Singaporean software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to paythe barber after the cut. But the barber replies:"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service."

The Singaporean software engineer is happy and leaves. The next morningwhen the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there...Can you guess?Come on, think like a Singaporean....have you got the answer? ...........
come on .............
guess ....

a dozen Singaporeans waiting for a free haircut!

Bossy joke

LESSON 2

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries."Pfufffff, and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff, and he Was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."

*MORAL OF THE STORY IS: " ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST"*

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit sawthe eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" Theeagle answered: "Sure, why not."So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sittingvery, very high up

Shitty joke

LESSON 1

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.

Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of Water to become, then your wish will come true."

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so Happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and Immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so Contented with his beer pool.

The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."

LESSON - THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN.*

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to thetop of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.""Well, why don't you nibble on so me of my droppings?" replied the bull."They're packed with nutrients."The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enoughstrength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eatingsome more dung, he reached the second branch.Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top ofthe tree.He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keepyou there

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the birdfroze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there,a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realizehow warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there allwarm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following thesound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptlydug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:

(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend

(3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up hershower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a toweland runs downstairs.When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Beforeshe says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that towel."After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked infront of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves.The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she getsto the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?""It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies."Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to creditand risk with your shareholders in time , you may be in a position toprevent avoidable exposure

Quotes from Anthony Robbins

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk..

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.